there, I said it. It doesn't feel good to say, but it is the truth. At 10DPO, I took an HPT this morning and it was a BFN...not surprising at all. It has been the norm for the past ten months now. My DH and I are coming up on an unofficial one year anniversary of TTC at the end of September. He likes to ignore September, October, November and December of 2005, but if I was taking HPT's and having timed sex, it counts to me. Men are so different.
Daily, I am becoming more and more okay with being barren. There are things in life that I am good at: entertaining, working as a real estate developer, being a wife, scrapbooking, decorating, and ministry with children...I am sure that there are some that I am missing. Maybe parenting is not one of my strong suits, and teh Lord knows best. There is a reason that he has not blessed us with a baby and I know that he knows best. Maybe something tragic is going to happen to my DH or I soon and he wants to save us from heartache and confusion. Or maybe we just are not living right...maybe there is something terribly wrong with our marriage that we do not know or it hasn't been shown to us yet. Or yet, maybe there is some horrible sin that my DH and I are harboring, and it has not been revealed yet. All I know is that there is something wrong with us and I am tired of trying to figure out or pray about what it is. Just tired.
NikNak
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Christmas 2007
Ken, Nakira and Kayden
Christmas 2007
About Me
- Nakira
- O' Carolina, United States
- After dealing with infertility for about two years, we were led by God to adoption. The blog has gone from looking for faith to looking for sanity on this road called motherhood!
1 comment:
Oh Nakira, I am so sorry you are having a rough time. You know I am right there with you. We all have bad days, or weeks, maybe even months for that matter but it will get better. Don't doubt yourself. From what I can tell you are an amazing person and in due time God will bless you. I know sometimes it feels so far away, (and you know I know!) but God has a plan for us, he has not forgotten us. And I had that same feeling as you, that my infertility was a punishment for sin, or a punishment for my husbands sin until someone told me that everything bad that happens to us is not punishment for sin. I'm not sure where it says that in the Bible but ever since I heard that I have felt a little more at ease. God's timing is perfect and I know it sucks so bad to wait, we just have to know we are loved no matter how hard it is to believe sometimes.
What type of real estate development do you do? If I could do anything career wise I would flip houses, I love decorating!! I would go crazy with cabinets and color schemes! My e-mail is anna_banana_fla@yahoo.com. I'm not sure where to find yours, write me anytime!!
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