Is a day from hell...do not let anyne ever make you think differently. After midnight last nght, we were past the revocation period for the baby girl, at least we thought. This morning, about 8:45AM, the agency called to let us know that the birthmother had phoned them about 6:30 to let them know that she changed her mind. So no baby girl for us.
After that call this morning, I felt like it was confimation that it is not God's will for us to have children. It is like He wants us to continue to suffer until we just say no, and make peace with the fact that he has called us to be childless. I am begining to become okay with teh concept, my husband is not. I just want us to both line up with this mindset and just be done with it. I feel like we have suffered two still born births in teh last six months. One for the death of a natural child that will never come and two for this baby girl that was about to be ours.
Oh well, I am off to return dresses to the stores...how dumb of me to make purchases like that...NEVER again. You all be blessed!
NikNak
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Christmas 2007
Ken, Nakira and Kayden
Christmas 2007
About Me
- Nakira
- O' Carolina, United States
- After dealing with infertility for about two years, we were led by God to adoption. The blog has gone from looking for faith to looking for sanity on this road called motherhood!
2 comments:
Oh my gosh Nakira...I am SO truly sorry!!! :( I can only imagine getting your hopes up like that...how cruel this world can be...
Please do not release your faith in God that you will be a mother some day. I know he has a plan for you...and would not give you motherly instincts without giving you a baby to mother. It will happen! Please have faith!! Saying many prayers for you and your husband right now.
I am so sorry!! I do know what you are going through with the adoption (not the natural child because I've never been pregnant) When we went through our failed adoption - adoption fraud - it was and is so confusing. I know you are discouraged and I'm sure it is so confusing to wonder what God is doing, but don't forget the title of your last post "GOD IS GOOD" - He takes us through trials and quite frankly, I don't enjoy them at all - but He is still GOOD and He still answers prayer. Psalm 113:9 says "He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD." Trust Him to make you that joyful mother!! This does not mean it is not God's will for you to have children, who knows maybe He did this for that mother -- maybe He was trying to show Himself to her, through you guys, and maybe He is also trying to deepen your faith and show you truly how good He is! We were married 7 1/2 years before Isabella came into our lives so I totally understand discouragement and confusion in the waiting. God's timing really is perfect -- although not always painless. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but He is not surprised by this, He knew what He was going to do and He already has a plan for your life and just from e-mailing and blogging I can tell what a desire you have for children and God really will fulfill that desire. For me, it wasn't my timing and it wasn't the way I had planned, but His way REALLY is perfect!!!! Keep trusting Him, I'm saying a prayer for you guys right now!
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