This post is a little hard for me to write, but one that I know that I need to.
I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH COMPARING MYSELF TO OTHERS.
There, I said it. My husband tells me constantly and I now know that it is. Since I have become a mother, it has become worst. My husband reminds me almost daily that he will not allow me to drive our daughter crazy by comparing her to others. Right now, it seems harmless, but later it will be a probably as she grows into a little girl, teenager and young lady. I want to begin to deal with this now, so that it does not get this point. I believe in God's delivering power and I know that He too can rid me of this sin.
When you look at it for what it is, the culprit is jealousy. It is that whole grass is greener concept. I see a number of women around me that appear to be perfect mothers. Always doing the right thing, never having a sick child, and having a working knowledge of what the AAP recommends for their baby. To hear me talk sometimes, you would think that my life is bad, but it is far from that. I am truly blessed with great health, a fabulous family, a beautiful home, a job that allows me to do something that I love and the most importantly, the knowledge of Jesus Christ, His salvation and His love. That should keep me happy. But the reality is that I am happy but often feeling like I am not adequate in comparison to others. That is a problem, becasue my allow measure shoule be Jesus.
Please pray with me as we (God and I) deal with this sin head on and please send any scriptures for meditation or books that I can read.
Awaiting deliverance...Nakira
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Christmas 2007
Ken, Nakira and Kayden
Christmas 2007
About Me
- Nakira
- O' Carolina, United States
- After dealing with infertility for about two years, we were led by God to adoption. The blog has gone from looking for faith to looking for sanity on this road called motherhood!
6 comments:
Oh girl! I totally know that! I think that it's rears it's head b/f motherhood, but the head pops out and grows horns and fangs, and breathes fire when we become mom's!!! : ( I'm not saying all mom's struggle with comparing, but I think it's pretty common...from what I hear amongst my friends and older women around me!!
AND I'm NOT saying, OH...no big deal...everybody struggles - NO WAY! I'm just saying, don't feel like you are alone....all those ladies you were talking about probably struggle with the SAME thing! Why do you think we want our babies dressed "so cute"???!!! Because we want them to look cuter than the other babies around us :( That's just the beginning!!!! It's endless!!! So, you aren't alone, and PRAISE THE LORD that He is allowing you to see this, and has given you a desire to fight it...kill it!
Confession...I haven't read it...BUT I've heard that When People are BIG and God is small is a GREAT book. I have a friend that tries to read it yearly. It's on my "want to read" list!!
But mostly, it's just meeting with Jesus....drawing near to Him, praying continually, and trusting the Spirit to prune out sin the closer you get to our Savior!! Girl, I know....I'm wrestling with some sin right now...and I just NEED to be at the foot of my Savior drawing from His Truths and His strength!!!
"Not that I speak in respect of want, for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Phil 4:11
That is my often called upon all-purpose meditative scripture. It helps me remember to be still and concentrate on the good and not the things that I perceive to be "bad."
And girl, please know -- there is no such thing as a perfect mother or perfect baby. There will be days when everything comes together as planned and days when you're just grateful that you didn't burn the house down. And bless God, most days will be somewhere in the middle - keeping you encouraged and humbled at the same time.
Check out this post on Da Momma's blog for a humorous take on the foibles of motherhood when you have a chance -- you'll soon realize that NOBODY has it together all of the time!
http://damomma.com/?p=230#comments
I will definitely add your name next to mine when I pray about this. :) I hate this and I hate that I do it. Man, can I just tell you that I have sat here typing and deleting for the last ten minutes because I know what a struggle this has been/is for me. And the main thing, is to lay it at His feet, and as Shawnda said and I just read almost this exact thing today that we need to meet with Hiim continually and keep our eyes on Him and not ourselves. We are imperfect (and so are the mothers that don't want you to think so) And we women, really need to keep it real and support each other. One of the reasons we all compare our mothering is because all we ever tell each other are the great things we are doing and we forget to mention the struggles. I say that we are sinners raising sinners and I know I can use all the support I can get. I'm going to have to e-mail you this comic strip I found the other day about pre motherhood and post motherhood. :) I promise I'll pray for you and you can pray for me because I know its a daily struggle (unless I stay at home locked away and don't have anyone to compare too. :)
I too know about the comparison problem! I do think it it pretty common when we become mothers. I too often feel like I am never good enough. I don't trust in my judgements and decisions like I should.
You are doing the right thing, you are leaning on Jesus to help you through this struggle.
I think that as women we all have the comparison problem. I think become a mother escaletes it and an adoptive mother makes it worse. In the beginning I constantly felt like people would feel that I was missing motherly intuition because I did not give birth. But really it was just feelings I was putting on myself. I still struggle from time to time that people don't see me as a "real" mother and my son is 2 years old. But I have to get that out of my head and be the BEST mother to my child that I can be, and not compete or measure myself by other's people's standards.
You have to be confident in your abilities, and you HAVE to be the best mother YOU can be to YOUR child. And not worry about how others view you. I know it is way easier said than done, but it is a daily battle.
What i find helpful is verbally affirming myself. What better way to affirm yourself than with what God says about you, through the everlasting LIVING TRUTH of his word! One day I typed in "scripture affirmations" into Google. The 1st site google found was perfect http://www.donnapartow.com/Renewal_affirmations.html
Focus not on what GOD say about you, not what your husband says or thinks about you, or friend etc. But what GOD's everlasting TRUTH says about you! Because he says you are enough because you are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made by Him! Take Care be blessed.
sylvie
www.chroniclesofmommyhood.typepad.com
YEAH!!!!
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